The Land of Smiles

Signing off.

2008-03-09T19:55:00.000-07:00

I arrived home safe and sound on Monday. Since then, I've been trying to find a normal sleeping schedule and adjust to... everything.

I can't believe that I'm home. When I arrived in Chiang Mai, nine months seemed like FOREVER. This past year has been one of the hardest and richest times in my twenty-three years. I learned. I struggled. Sometimes I thought I would never survive. But I did. I'm sure that now I don't realize how much I have changed and grown.

I won't miss everything about Thailand. I won't miss the traffic. I won't miss the pollution. I won't miss the heat and humidity. But I will miss the smell of chilis that makes my nose run. I'll miss the way the mist hangs over the tops of the mountains in the early morning. I'll miss my friends. I know I'll go back to Thailand some day. It's hard not to know when. But I know I'll go back. Thailand is a part of me; every time I say goodbye, my heart breaks a little.

I've decided to retire this blog. It was meant to make it easier to update all of you about my life while I was in Thailand. Thanks for sticking with me, thanks for your prayers and encouragement.

God bless.

The last blog post in Thailand...

2008-03-02T21:33:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

In a few hours, I will fly from Chiang Mai to Bangkok and then fly from Bangkok to LAX. If you would pray for safe and hassle-free traveling, I would really appreciate it. I'll be writing a longer post once I get home, but for now I can't really process what is going on.

So, sawatikhaa and chok dii.

Megan

"Writing a poem is discovering." - R. Frost

2008-02-20T23:50:00.000-08:00

Luke 7: 37 - 47

Dust fills deep creases
Like a map of footsteps
Already taken.
One toenail is black.

Her tears anoint Him.
Her sins flow between His toes.
She kneels,
Touching her cheek to His ankle.
One thick braid
Erases her pain
From the soles of His feet.

Alabaster splinters.
Aroma spills.
Bergamot, almond, cardamom;
Oil separates
From salty water.

Her sins have been forgiven;
She loved much.

Super Tuesday.

2008-02-18T05:56:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, one of my students (Sirikanya, a first-year English major) stopped me after class. She wanted to know all about the American primaries. She asked me whether I was a Democrat or a Republican and wanted to know who I voted for. I was thrilled to hear that if she was an American citizen, she would support Barack Obama for president.

I asked her why she was interested. She replied that the US has a lot of influence in the world, and to be a responsible citizen of Thailand, she needs to be informed about what happens in the world. I was proud of her and told her so. I try to incoporate current events from around the world in my classes; unfortunately, a lot of my students are completely uninterested.

I can't take credit for her global-mindedness, but at least I can say she is my student!

Current reading list...

2008-02-18T04:02:00.000-08:00

Tom Jones, by Henry Fielding

The Mill on the Floss, by George Eliot

The Human Factor, by Graham Greene

A Book of Memories, by Peter Nadas

Final exams.

2008-02-16T00:47:00.000-08:00

I can't believe my last semester teaching at CMU ended two weeks ago. Now I am buried up to my ears in final exams, trying to have them all graded by the deadline. I have exactly 150 students, so multiply that by about 7 - 10 minutes, and you get a whoooole lot of time spent grading. As a student, all you have to do is take the exam. The teachers have to grade them! At least the exams are made out of recycled paper.

Grading exams is always frustrating and a little demoralizing. Quite a few of my students will flunk the course. At least, they would flunk if the grades weren't curved. I don't get any input on the curve or the cutoff points, so it is hard for me not to feel like my grades are obsolete. Also, the senior professors have the authority to change the grades I give. Yes, that is right. They can arbitrarily decide that my grades are too high/ too low and tell me that I have to change them. Without my consent. This drives me CRAZY, and I think it is actually very unethical. That hasn't happened yet, but I get frustrated just thinking about it.

(Deep breath). Oh well. Now, if I was president of the world...

... I would make ALL final exams oral. We would save some trees AND have less exams to grade! Perfect.

More pictures!

2008-02-04T06:45:00.000-08:00

As promised...

2008-01-19T19:28:00.000-08:00

... some pictures from when my family visited. Enjoy!

Here are the four of us at Doi Suthep...

... Lauren and me on an elephant...

... some monks at a temple (I think at Wat Chedi Luang)...

... Lauren and Dad on a bamboo raft...

... and the Amari Emerald Cove Resort, our gorgeous hotel on Koh Chang. I think this picture is taken from the balcony of one of our rooms.

Homesickness: Noun - A longing to return home.

2008-01-19T02:40:00.000-08:00

It comes at unexpected times. This morning, it was seeing my Golden Retriever, Guinevere, looking at me from across the world on a Skype camera. She had her chewy bone, like always, in her mouth. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to be home in my house, in the Central Valley, sitting on the hardwood floor in the family room and petting my dog. I know. It's strange.

When I get homesick here, I feel strange, almost ungrateful. Here I am, living in another country, a country that some would call exotic. I'm lucky, right? How many people want to do what I'm doing and don't get to do it? I'm blessed. I'm lucky!

Nevertheless, it happens. Today, I changed my plane ticket. It is official; I will be back in California on Monday, March 2nd. My time in Thailand has an actual ending. I can see it in the not - so - distant horizon, only six weeks away. Somehow having the date set in stone makes it feel even farther away. I love Thailand. I love Chiang Mai. But sometimes, it feels like I've been here forever and I can't really remember life before Thailand, at least not in vivid detail.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss healthy Christian community. I miss Santa Barbara. I miss SCHOOL!

My future is somewhat uncertain. I expect to hear from most graduate schools in mid to late March. I hate that a few people on an application review committee have my destiny in their hands. Yes, I know, I'm being dramatic, but they do have an awful lot of power. I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life. I'm eager to begin school and be around people who love literature as much as I do.

But for the next six weeks, I hope to live in the moment, enjoy Thailand and enjoy the people that I've met here. We always want what we don't have, right?

Ha.

2008-01-18T19:30:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things to do in Chiang Mai is listen to conversations while riding on a "songtao," the most common form of public transportation. Usually this involves listening to conversations regarding myself. I often overhear conversations with two or more locals discussing me. Most Thai people assume that, as a farang, I am unable to speak or understand Thai. Little do they know!

Here is a conversation that occurred yesterday, when a gaggle of first-year nursing students joined me on the bus:

Girl #1: Look at that professor. Her skin is so white!
Girl #2: I like her hair.
Girl #1: Do you think she can speak Thai?
Girl #2: No, I don't think so.

Me: Actually, yes, I can speak Thai!

(Exclamations of surprise and delight by said nursing students).

They then proceeded to ask me what my name was, where I'm from, if I like Thailand, and where I learned to speak Thai. When they arrived at their stop, all waved goodbye and wished me a lovely weekend. I'm going to miss the friendliness of the people here when I get back to the States.

They came and conquered.

2008-01-15T18:38:00.000-08:00

Here's a little update since I haven't blogged in a while (wow, did we ever think "blogged" would become a verb?):

My family had a great time. I had a lot of fun taking them to my favorite places in Chiang Mai, as well as elephant riding, Doi Suthep, and Koh Chang.

I think the highlight of the trip was going to Koh Chang, an island several miles off the coast of Cambodia in the Gulf of Siam. We stayed at a gorgeous resort right on the beach and did nothing but lay on beach chairs, swim in the ocean, and read for five days. We did go snorkeling one day at a smaller island near Koh Chang. My mother, the snorkeling FANATIC, went crazy and stayed in the water looking at fish long after Dad, Lauren and I had retired. My favorite fish that I saw was the parrotfish, which is crazily colored. And we saw about a gazillion sea cucumbers, which I've never seen in the wild before. Pretty cool.

Now they have returned to California and I'm back in the routine of teaching classes at CMU. My students have about three more weeks of class and then we start final exams! I can't believe it.

I'll try to bum some pictures off my family in the next few days and post them so y'all can see a snippet of our adventures.

They're here!

2007-12-27T00:02:00.000-08:00

Just a note to let you know that the Hansen family has arrived safely in Chiang Mai. I was rather a frazzled tour guide this morning, as I went to the wrong terminal to pick them up, didn't have enough cash to pay the taxi driver, and couldn't figure out how to work the elevator in my own apartment building. I think they were happy to see me despite the mishaps.

More to come later!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-25T05:35:00.000-08:00

It hardly feels like Christmas when it is 80 degrees outside, but nevertheless, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I had a fun Christmas Eve and Day celebrating with friends: attempting to make cookies in a tiny toaster oven, watching Christmas movies, going to a service at my church, being pampered at a spa, and eating lots of turkey and mashed potatoes!

I miss my family and cold weather and Christmas decorations, but the past few days have been good ones, with minimal amounts of homesickness. It helps to know I'll be seeing most of my family (Mom, Dad and Lauren) in less than 48 hours. I'll share some Hansen Family Adventures a little later in the week, as I'm sure there will be plenty!

I wish you great joy as you celebrate with family and friends, and remembering the most important reason for this holiday; the birth of Jesus Christ. May you feel His presence this Christmas.

Many blessings!

Cue the "Hallelujah Chorus" from Handel's "Messiah:"

2007-12-22T20:23:00.000-08:00

I am ALMOST done with all of my graduate school applications! Horray! A few loose ends need to be tied up by my parents at home, but other than that, I am officially finished.

Applying to graduate school felt much different than applying to college. Sending my writing sample and personal statement to all the schools felt like sending my carefully - nurtured and much - loved children into a black abyss called The World Wide Web.

Now I feel a little lost. Applying to these schools has consumed so much of my time, energy and thoughts that I feel guilty when I'm not working on my applications, or at least thinking about them.

I never was very good at waiting. I get impatient when there are more than two people ahead of me in line at the grocery store. Now begins a season of uncertainty, waiting for letters to arrive in my mailbox, waiting for the people who have my future in their hands to make a decision. Perhaps I am being a little overdramatic (shocking!), but it is never easy for me to put myself and my work on the line with the possibility of rejection.

Despite all this, I feel relieved that my part of the process is at an end. I feel at peace and confident in God's faithfulness.

P.S. I recently discovered that one of the literary critics I cited in my writing sample is a professor at NYU. She is also on the PhD admissions review board. There is a good chance that she will read my paper; I hope she likes it!

P.P.S. Some of you have been asking, so here is a complete list of all the schools I applied to:

New York University
Tufts University
University of Colorado at Boulder
Boston University
University of Massachusetts at Amherst
Portland State University
Georgetown University
University of Washington at Seattle
The Graduate School at Boston College
University of Illinois at Chicago

Shamless plugs.

2007-12-22T02:42:00.000-08:00

So I just have to mention two books that I just finished / am reading right now:

Atonement, by Ian McEwan - Beautiful, poetic, heart-breaking. I was inspired to read it before the movie comes out and I advise all of you to do the same! You won't regret it. It is an engrossing story set before, during and after World War II. Now I can't wait to see the movie, but I seriously think it won't do the book justice.

You Shall Know Our Velocity!, by Dave Eggers - Hysterical, wise, sharp. I've read his other book, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genuis, which is quasi-autobiographical, but this is his first novel. I really enjoy his voice and style of writing. Read it if you enjoy travelogues and strange adventures while in unusual places.

Perhaps if this whole grad school / career as a teacher thing doesn't work out I can become a blurbologist and write the blurbs on the back of book covers. Not a bad way to make a living.

Subjects and predicates.

2007-12-10T23:43:00.000-08:00

Last week, I lectured for about 45 minutes on how to write a complete sentence. For a homework assignment, I had them write a list of twenty complete sentences. Some of the sentences are hysterical, so I thought I'd share them with you.

"He feeds the dog with a banana."

"The dog doesn't like banana."

"The man on the bike is going to fall off!"

"My friends and I love to study English 205 with Ajaarn Megan."

"We should eat vegetables for health."

"Chocolate should be eaten as a treat rather than a snack."

"Tigers mark their territory by scraping trees."

"He went to the casino to make money but he failed."

I think they really did improve!

Loy Krathong Festival

2007-11-26T06:13:00.000-08:00

Happy Loy Krathong! This past weekend was an incongruous mix of serene candlelight and deafening fireworks. Yes, my friends, the night of the full moon was here, and candlelight and fireworks go together like peanut butter and jelly. Only in Thailand.

Loy Krathong ("Floating boats") has a variety of meanings, but it originally started as a Buddhist celebration and is now a part of Thai culture, kind of like Christmas in the US. During Loy Krathong, people make small boats out of bamboo, banana leaves, flowers, incense and candles, and float them on the river to give thanks to the river gods.

Here is me making my own krathong boat:

And here is a picture of my new friend, Pong, who saw that I was having trouble making my boat and was kind enough to help me. He was also kind enough to call my dilapadated boat "impressionistic."

A parade started at Thae Pae Gate in the Old City and made its way down to the Ping River, where all the major celebration was taking place. I (along with a few friends) marched in (well, next to) the parade carrying my krathong boat, all the while trying not to get a bottle rocket in the face. Let me now mention that fireworks were going off everywhere. I mean, EVERYWHERE. And these were not professional fireworks being set off in a controlled setting. These were fireworks being set off by junior high boys and drunk people.

Once we got to the river, we made our way through the masses of people to the steps leading down to the water. Here is Nawrarat Bridge:

And here is me trying not to fall into the river while launching my krathong:

Another part of the festival is setting off lanterns into the night sky. The lanterns are called "yee ping," and are released for good luck and to absolve one of one's sins. They work kind of like a hot air balloon; a piece of bamboo is lit at the bottom and the lantern fills up with hot air and eventually rises. At least, that is what is supposed to happen. I saw a good many lanterns refuse to cooperate and subsequently saw many trees catch on fire. Very exciting.

I felt lucky to be able to participate in Loy Krathong, especially because the last time I was in Thailand I missed it. And I still have all my fingers, which many firecracker enthusiasts now in the hospital, cannot say.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-23T21:32:00.000-08:00

It doesn't feel much like Thanksgiving when it is 85 degrees out, but I went and had turkey and all the trimmings with some friends. We ate at a restaurant that had a special Thanksgiving buffet; I ate so much I felt like I could barely walk. It was delicious, but my only regret is that they didn't have homemade cranberry sauce like my mom makes. And I did miss watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. But you can't have everything!

I gave each of my classes a little lecture about this classic American holiday, the Pilgrims, and the celebration of the harvest. They weren't very interested, but they did know all about pumpkin pie.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I'm reminded of how thankful I am for each of you, my family and friends.

Wednesday evening, approximately 9:04 PM

2007-11-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

A recent phone conversation with my Thai tutor:

Megan: Hello?
Neng: Hello Megan, this is Neng.
Megan: Hi Neng, what's up?
Neng: I have a question. Is it "Johnsons is" or Johnsons are?"
Megan: ... I'm sorry?
Neng: Which is it? "Johnsons is" or "Johnsons are?"

At this moment, I realized that Neng was asking me a question about English grammar. This took me aback, as most of my phone conversations with Neng relate to my Thai lessons and when we are going to meet. Here is how the conversation ended:

Megan: Um... it would be "Johnsons are." The name is plural.
Neng: Ok. Bye!

I'm still wondering who the Johnsons are and what they are... doing.

A movie marathon.

2007-11-19T19:25:00.001-08:00

For the past week, I've been enjoying the European Union Foreign Film Festival here in Chiang Mai. Last Saturday, my friend Andi and I saw three in a row. At about $2 USD apiece, movies in Thailand are a real bargain. They were all in their original language with subtitles in English, so most of the moviegoers were "farang" (foreigners).

So far, I've seen films from Austria, the Netherlands, Italy, Sweden, France and the UK. Some have been hits and other were misses. My favorites were the films from the Netherlands ("Antonia's Line" - won an Academy Award for Best Foreign Film in 1996), Sweden ("The Queen of Sheba's Pearls - wonderful), and the UK ("The Last King of Scotland" - Academy Award for Best Actor in 2006).

I especially enjoyed seeing "The Last King of Scotland" again. It tells the story of Idi Amin, a former president of Uganda. It is horrifying, disturbing and frightening, but I think the movie, especially the ending, says something beautiful and true about undeserved grace. Looking at it from a Christian perspective, I was very moved. Watch it and you'll see what I mean!

So I have sufficiently "cultured" myself this week. Horray.

Hello friends...

2007-11-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

It has been quite a while! The lag between posts is not because I don't want to write, but because there hasn't been a whole lot of news besides the usual routine of teaching class, grading papers and working on graduate school applications (which is occupying a lot of my free time and energy).

I can't deny that it is nice to feel like I know what I'm doing. I have memories of me wandering around the campus in a bewildered daze during my first two weeks. Now I know faces, textbooks, and proper etiquette (I hope!). My students generally show up and show up on time, which is delightful. I'm used to standing in front of a classroom and have gotten the hang of grading.

Random people I meet often ask me what my experience has been like. I hardly know to to answer: usually I say, "Challenging yet rewarding." I'm the type of person that processes a lot after the fact. When I go home to California in early March, I expect that a lot of time will be spent thinking about what the heck happened this year.

But in the meantime, I am enjoying feeling like I fit at CMU and like I fit in Chiang Mai. I've been here for almost six months now, and this city does feel like home. I still miss my family and my friends and fall weather, but I feel content as I prepare and look forward to the next chapter in my life.

Doi Suthep

2007-11-03T05:26:00.001-07:00

This is me being blessed by a monk...

... people making offerings to Buddha to gain merit...

... the famous golden chedi...

... and me negotiating for our cab fare.

Note: credit goes to Katie S. Welsh for these marvelous pictures.

Deja Vu

2007-10-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

The second week of classes has arrived! The first week was a strange mix of jet lag and deja vu, remembering my first classes when I was unnerved by thirty pairs of eyes on me, waiting for me to educate them. I'm teaching all new classes this semester, which is a nice change, and my students seem great. Of course, time will tell, but right now I am pretty pleased.

Being at home for the semester break was amazing and rejuvenating. I had a great time spending time with my parents, hanging out with my little sister and seeing good friends. It was such a blessing that I got to visit during my time here. And yes, it was a little hard to leave home, but I was ready to get back into a regular schedule, this time knowing what I was doing.

Two friends arrived for a visit to Chiang Mai last Friday: Katie, a dear friend and former housemate from Westmont; and Cindy, Katie's best friend from home. It was so fun to have them here and show them a little of my city. We went to Doi Suthep, a gorgeous temple in the jungle, and were spontaneously blessed with holy water by a monk. That was very moving and precious to me, and it reminded me of good times with my Buddhist monk students at Wat Suan Dok. Katie and Cindy also experienced elephant riding, white water rafting, the Night Bazaar and the Sunday Walking Street. Of course, I'm sure that the highlight for them was visiting one of my classes this morning! :) They left this morning for Bangkok and are touring more of Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia.

I can't believe that it is almost November already and that I will be in Thailand for less than four months now. Time has passed so quickly but the past four months has been a rich time of experiences, learning and growth.

Back in Chiang Mai

2007-10-20T06:09:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,

I made it back to Thailand, safe and sound. I'm going to bed now but I'll write a better update soon!

Just a quick note...

2007-10-04T09:21:00.000-07:00

... to let you all know that I arrived in California safely and without any trouble. I made both flights in plenty of time, my parents picked me up from LAX and now I'm trying to survive on four hours of sleep while my body is still on Thailand time.

Homeward bound.

2007-10-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,

In the next few hours I will be going to the airport in Chiang Mai to fly to Bangkok, and then will be flying home to LAX for a few weeks.

I'm not that thrilled at the prospect of flying, so if you would pray for me and my peace of mind, and that all the flights/ travel time would go smoothly.

I'm so excited to be going home and spending time with my family and some good friends.

See you in a couple of weeks!

Pray for Burma!

2007-09-27T12:14:00.000-07:00

Read this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/27/world/asia/27cnd-myanmar.html?hp

The wee hours of the night.

2007-09-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

So here it is, 1:56 AM, and I have yet to go to sleep. I'm eating an apple and watching a movie about Moses in the hopes that learning about the exile of the Jews will tire my body out and lull me to sleep. Fat chance. I've never felt more awake. I feel like this is my body preparing myself for the jet lag I will experience next Wednesday.

I finished grading all 96 final exams today. Whew. Each section took about 4 - 5 hours to grade. In one of my classes, I predict that a good half the class will fail the course. No, I'm not kidding, although I wish I was. The class is constructed in such a way that students can easily cheat, copy, or coast with little effort. However, with the final exam, the truth comes out. I have mixed feelings about this: I hate to fail hardworking students who just aren't at the level they need to be, but in reality, some of my students deserve to fail.

This is not an uncommon occurence. I received a sheet in my mailbox informing me that last semester, over 600 first-year students failed ENG 103. It makes me feel a little better that this is not a reflection of me as a teacher; I have some students who were motivated, questioning and hard-working; those students are getting A's and B's.

I have one more final to proctor on Monday. Hopefully I'll be finished calculating most of the final grades tomorrow. And then, time to watch A LOT of in-flight movies.

I can't really believe that I'm going home in five days. It seems strange to think of being in the US after more than four months in Thailand. I've forgotten what it is like. My mom asked me what I wanted to eat while home and I couldn't even remember what American people eat in their everyday lives. All I know is that I'll be eating nothing but cereal for the first week. I can't afford cereal here on my salary as a box of Lucky Charms costs about $9 USD, quite expensive.

Moses is still wandering in the desert. Another 39 years of exile to go. Sleep, come soon!

Yes, Thai is the 5th hardest language in the world to learn (or something like that).

2007-09-18T05:47:00.000-07:00

I started my private Thai lessons last week. My tutor is named Neng. He is twenty-six, graduated as an English major from CMU and now works at an elementary school here in Chiang Mai. He also studied abroad in Minnesota for a year. Basically, he is terrific. He is also a very good teacher.

We started by reviewed the personal pronouns (of which there are a grand total of about fourteen) and the tones. Thai is a tonal language, which means that you communicate not only with words but also with the pitches you use when you say the words. For example, if you say the word "maa" with a high tone it means dog, but if you say "maa" with a rising tone it means horse (or it might be the other way around...) You can see that I need the practice!

Today we worked on sentence structure. SO CONFUSING. I can stumble about in Thai and carry on a conversation but I forgot how complicated everything is. However, Neng is very encouraging and says "Very good!" every time I say something right, with a note of surprise in his voice.

I practiced on my department head; hopefully I didn't say anything offensive. I'm thrilled that what I learned the last time is slowly coming back to me. Maybe by the time I leave Thailand in March I will be fluent! Here's hoping!

*** AFTERTHOUGHT:

I finished my last class today. Three of my classes have their final exam this next Monday. I'm beginning to calculate grades, adding points for participation and attendance. I can't even believe that the semester is almost over and I have been here for almost four months. I know that the next semester will fly by and I'll be back in the US of A before you can say "maa."

Current reading list...

2007-09-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

If anyone is interested, here are some books that I have read in the last month, or that I am still working on:

"Howard's End" by EM Forester

"Light in August" by William Faulkner

"Far From the Madding Crowd" by Thomas Hardy

"Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"A Farewell to Arms" by Ernest Hemingway

I'd especially recommend the two by Garcia Marquez, a Columbian writer. It was one of his books, "Chronicle of a Death Foretold," that got me interested in world / multi-ethnic / postcolonial literature. Read them and we can talk about magical realism! So fun.

Devotion.

2007-09-15T05:30:00.000-07:00

When I leave my apartment for my 8:00 AM class, I hop on a taxi to go to the university. As I pass near a covered walkway on the way to the English Department, I see a sight that never fails to move me: students dressed in pristine white and black uniforms, kneeling on hard, uneven pavement, their hands folded in front of them as several robed monks chant blessings. The morning alms rounds have begun.

I have deep respect for the religion of Buddhism, in part because of the fond memories I have from working at the Buddhist university at Wat Suan Dok when I was a student here. It emphasizes human kindness and goodness. One of my favorite people in the entire world, a Buddhist monk named Phra Tong, used to say, "Do not do anything that would bring another unhappiness." True words to live by. It has been my experience that learning about and appreciating other religions brings me a deeper understanding of my own faith. Seeing the devotion of the Buddhist students convicts me for lacking my own. I long for intimacy with Jesus, yet so often I get complacent and comfortable. Being here in Thailand makes complacency a little harder. I am in a country that, while very tolerant of other faiths, has a Christian population of less than 2%. I am constantly surrounded by people that do not share what I believe. This is hard; I miss healthy Christian community.

However, as my wise parents have reminded me, here in Chiang Mai I can be in the world but not of it. I pray that my presence in Thailand, in Chiang Mai, can break some of the stereotypes of Christians that I have encountered here; that by the grace of God, I could show what being a follower of Jesus means. I have no confidence in my own abilities, but hope that I would be a willing vessel, ready to be poured out in service.

So again, dear friends, I ask for you to pray with me. Like I have written before, I am convinced that God had His hand in bringing me back to Thailand; and the knowledge that people at home are praying is a constant source of comfort and reassurance to me. Thanks.

That's me.

2007-09-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

So blessed.

2007-09-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

Since the end of the first semester draws near, it has become time for.... drumroll, please... teacher evaluations! Teacher evaluations consist of some standardized forms that are passed out to the students so that they can evaluate me, tell me what I am doing well, what could be improved upon, and so on.

I clearly remember filling out teacher evaluations at Westmont and it looks a bit different now from the viewpoint of the teacher. I could be pretty harsh sometimes, letting professors know what I liked and what I didn't like about the course. Perhaps the words "brutally honest" could be used. Now, as I have been preparing myself to be evaluated, I have felt a little sick to my stomach. I have tried so hard to be a good teacher and to give my students every opportunity to do well. It made me nervous to be in a vulnerable position where my fragile self-confidence in my teaching abilities could be shot down.

I passed out my first two sets of evaluations to my freshman classes and waited, nervously, for them to fill them out and return them. The instructions are all in Thai so I couldn't read them, but I could read the comments that the students wrote on the back. Here are some examples of the comments they wrote:

"Very good for teaching."

"Nice teacher."

"She try to explain when the students don't understand."

"She patients in students so much."

I was so moved by what some of them wrote that I got a little teary-eyed as I was reading them. I cannot explain the affirmation I feel by seeing that they gave me such high ratings and wrote incredibly kind comments. In all honesty, I went into this job having no idea what I was doing, and to get such positive feedback from my students means so much to me. Now I could care less what the department thinks of me; if the students learned something and felt the class was worth their time, that is all I need. Really.

These past few months have confirmed my career path in education. I have discovered that I love teaching. I do, I love it. I love being in front of a classroom, I love it when students are engaged and are thinking, I love when I can visibly see them understand something. I don't love the material I am teaching here at CMU, but if I could teach my own literature classes... wow. I'd be a lucky girl.

I don't know if I even realize the importance of this revelation. I am blessed by God that I would have an opportunity to use my gifts and that I could identify my strengths so soon in such a concrete way. More and more I realize that my Father prepared this place for me, prepared this year at this university in this country; He is faithful to me time and time again. To God be the glory.

Heaven.

2007-09-10T04:27:00.000-07:00

One great thing about my teaching schedule is that I have a lot of free time during the day. The main way that I like to occupy my down time at the English Department is reading. I'm trying to read all the books that I should have read but haven't. I've been buying books at the Gecko Bookstore in the Old City (within the old city walls), but that can get expensive as my reading list grows.

Today, I wandered into the CMU library to explore a little and see if I could find an English books section. Not only did I find an English section, but they have five or six Norton Anthologies! The promised land! For those of you who don't know, the Norton Anthology is the most respected in the field of English literature. Only an English major would get excited about finding a Norton Anthology. All the gang was there: Frost, Blake, Shakespeare, Melville, Fitzgerald... There is enough to keep me busy until I leave in March.

I walked up and down the shelves, devouring the book titles with my eyes. I'm sure it was obvious I was thrilled; there were some students around and I think they thought it strange that someone was getting so excited over some old books. I didn't try to contain my excitement and tomorrow I am going to get a library card so I can begin!

Je parle francais, chan phut passa thai, I speak English.

2007-09-09T04:57:00.000-07:00

I interviewed applicants for the Northern Thailand Rotary Club exchange program on Saturday. They were high school students ranging from 15 - 17, and were motivated, interesting and ambitious students. I was very impressed. My job was to have a short interview with each of the students (in English) and evaluate them on comprehension, skill, charisma, personal interaction, etc.

The last student I interviewed was a young girl who wanted to study in France. I asked her to introduce herself in French (since I speak a little) and then in English. She is sixteen years old and speaks three languages: Thai, French and English.

I feel so ashamed of myself for allowing my status as a native English speaker to enable me to "coast" as far as languages are concerned. I'm 22 years old, and I think I should do better. So I'm going to do better. I'm going to start private Thai lessons soon, and will hopefully become more fluent. I am going to start reading French literature to refresh what I learned in high school and college. And my next goal is to learn Spanish. I'll work on that once I get back to California... My goal is fluency in four languages: English, French, Thai and Spanish.

I'm amazed that some of the people who have been here in Thailand for years don't speak Thai. I think it is a sign of respect to the people and country of Thailand for long-term residents to learn the language. In my opinion, it is extremely ethnocentric to not at least try. Whenever I speak in Thai to locals, they rave about my skills and how wonderful it is that a foreigner would speak to them in their own language. It frustrates me that many Americans think that they don't need to speak other languages - or even worse, that EVERYONE ELSE should learn English.

I've encountered a lot of negativity towards Thailand and ethnocentrism since I've been here. People around me are always comparing this country with their own and making evaluations. Some live in their own little safe, American world where they hardly participate with Thai culture/Thai people. It really frustrates me, though I must admit that sometimes I am guilty of doing the exact same thing. My motivation for coming here was to learn more about Thai culture and experience it. Yes, it is different. Yes, some things can be frustrating. Yes, people tend to be more passive here. But c'mon, people! Let's be respectful!

I pray that I will not be critical and appreciate the richness of the differences between this country and my own, and appreciate how lucky I am to have this experience abroad. Pray with me, friends.

The art of "songtao" selection.

2007-09-03T22:16:00.000-07:00

Without fail, I always manage to choose the worst taxi imaginable.

The best form of public transportation here in Chiang Mai (as the city lacks a decent bus or subway system) is by "songtao," the red pickup trucks that have benches in the back and a roof. At about $0.50 per ride, they are an easy and cheap way to navigate the city.

The interesting thing about songtaos is that they are like a shared taxi. This means that several people will share a ride and the driver drops them off according to who was first. The best situation is to nab an empty songtao, which means that you will be dropped off first, probably in a timely manner; however, there is no guarantee.

Here are some examples of recent songtaos that I have ridden in:

- one with wires hanging from the ceilings, making me wonder if my life was about to end by electrocution
- one that was empty when I got on but rapidly filled with eleven (eleven!) junior high girls, all chattering loudly
- one where I hopped on and arrived at my destination thirty-five minutes later (I was about ten minutes away when I started that journey)
- one with speakers blaring Thai music into the back of the cab at 7:30 in the morning

... and those are just in the past week.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I think that songtaos work admirably most of the time and they are certainly convenient. Also, the knowledge of the drivers is impressive. I simply have a knack for choosing the worst of the bunch. I'm sure some people pick the songtao that is clean, fast and empty all the time. Apparently, I'm not one of them.

Khrupkrua dichon (my family).

2007-09-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

My brother Nathan and my sister-in-law Milli left for Cairo, Egypt today, where they will work at a NGO for a year. I'm really excited for them (and it gives me an excuse to visit Egypt) but I'm also a little saddened, knowing that I won't see them again for a long time - well, a year, unless I visit them.

I knew coming into this job that missing holidays at home would be the hardest part of the year. I love my house at Christmas. Every cheesy paper Santa and Amy Grant song smacks of my idlylic childhood. We always choose a Christmas tree that is way too tall for even our living room's vaulted ceiling and putting up the tree in the stand is a task that, without fail, jeopardizes my parent's marriage (well, at least for the twenty minutes it takes until the tree is up).

Yes, I know, I realize that it is only September and Christmas is a long time away, but since two of my siblings jetted off to Africa, this means that my small family is spread over three different continents. I think because I have such a small family makes holidays like Christmas even more important to me. Even thinking about missing Christmas at home makes me homesick.

But here is the new news: I changed my plane ticket to go home during the semester break for October 3rd instead of October 9th, which gives me six more coveted days at home. My little sister will be home from Westmont for her fall four-day break and I miss her something awful. So, a month from today, I will be on an airplane flying across an ocean to go home. Gulp. I hate flying. I do it because I love traveling more than I hate flying. I think that having two weeks at home will get me through missing Christmas when December rolls around. I'm content with going home instead of traveling because I have traveled in Thailand extensively already; I don't feel like I'm missing out. Twenty-four hours with my family will refresh me emotionally in a way that a week on the beach could never do.

A "stream of consciousness" post.

2007-08-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

The picture above is of the coastline of Koh Chang (Elephant Island), located in the easternmost part of the Gulf of Siam, near the border of Cambodia. When my family comes and visits we are making a stop at the island for about five days before they head home. I've been working on figuring out our travel arrangements, so I've been thinking about it a lot. I can't wait. People, you think Hawaii is beautiful... Koh Chang is 10 times as lovely and less touristy. I spent days lying by the pool, staring at the glorious ocean that was only a few feet away. I am very excited about going back and taking my family with me.

Speaking of which, it is only about four months until my family will be here. Crazy. The last day of classes is in about four weeks. Crazy. I go home to California for the semester break in about five and a half weeks. CRAZY. When I got here at the end of May, October seemed so far away. Time has passed so quickly. I feel like the week has hardly begun when it has ended.

I've been thinking a lot about what is going to happen after I leave Thailand in March. I know that I am going to live at home for a while, working until I go back to school... providing I get in somewhere. I'm applying to graduate school for Fall 2008 and I honestly cannot wait to go back to school.

"What?" you say. "But you just graduated four months ago! Don't you want a break? Aren't you sick of school?"

The truth is that I love learning and going to class. I will talk about literature to anyone who will listen (and even those who don't want to listen, as my long suffering family will testify). I'm excited at the prospect of going back to school and concentrating entirely on what I'm interested in. I've been doing a lot of research on graduate schools and have compiled a list of schools that I want to go to (all on the East Coast, actually. I feel drawn to the other side of the country since I did my undergraduate work in California).

I know that March will creep up on me and give me a surprise. I want to enjoy the time I have left in Thailand, because I do love it here, despite the difficult parts of life. I enjoy teaching, especially interacting with my students outside of and after class. I love living in this beautiful, ancient city, and seeing the wild mountains rise up out of nowhere. I feel blessed that God led me here and has provided for me without fail, time and time again, in all sorts of situations. But I'm excited about what the future holds.

Awwwwwwkward.

2007-08-26T05:44:00.000-07:00

I went to Thanoon Kohn Doon, the Sunday night walking street to go Christmas shopping and caught a taxi for the ride home. On hopped three middle-aged women and one guy who looked to be about my age. I smiled and struck up a conversation. The ladies were delighted that I could speak Thai and immediately started gushing about how beautiful I was. (I think it was the fact that I can speak Thai that made me so beautiful). I waied and thanked them for all the profusive compliments.

Then things started to get awkward. One of the ladies asked me how old I was. Next she asked me if I had a boyfriend. After I responded (twenty-two and no, respectively), she exclaimed, "Great! You can marry my son! He is twenty-two as well." Did I mention that the son was sitting right next to me? His mother practically proposed marriage for the two of us while he was innocently trying to get home. He didn't seemed nonplussed in the slightest and proceeded to ask for my phone number. I was internally flustered but luckily the taxi pulled over at my stop and I didn't have time to give it to him. Too bad. It might have been love.

.........................

2007-08-25T01:09:00.000-07:00

Last week, I walked to a street market near my apartment building to buy some dinner. It had been a long day, filled with two classes and tutoring after 5, so all I wanted to do was buy some food and go home. Did I mention that it was pouring rain? You know how in movies some poor sap stands in the street and a car racing past them drenches them with dirty water? Yes, that actually happened to me. Luckily, I was already soaked so it didn't really matter.

I stumbled up the stairs to the market and decided to get "phat thai," beloved by locals and tourists alike. I went to my favorite vendor stall and ordered. While I was waiting, the seller looked at me, smiled, took out his cell phone, stuck it in my face and took a picture of me, no preamble whatsoever. I was too surprised to respond or say anything, I just smiled weakly and then pretended like it hadn't happened. As soon as my food was done, I hurried away, my inner monologue reflex too tired to do anything.

I don't look like the average person who lives in Chiang Mai. Although many tourists visit, I don't live in or often frequent the areas where tourists commonly hang out. Because I am a little different, this means that often I get some unwanted attention. Nothing sketchy, mind you, but staring is quite common. Some of the older female ajaarns in the English department like to touch my skin and my hair, and stare into my exotic blue eyes. And yes, that does get awkward, at least for me. I often get told that I look like Britney Spears and/or Hilary Duff. Sometimes strange men take pictures of me with their cell phones.

I've gotten used to this and I really don't mind it most of the time. Honestly. Most of the Thai people genuinely want to compliment me, and who doesn't appreciate a nice compliment now and then? However, I might think twice about going back for phat thai at that market anytime soon.

The P word.

2007-08-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

Plagarism: a word that strikes fear into the heart of even the most conscientious college student. Two of my classes had a written assignment to write a one to two paragraph biography. I stressed several times that these biographies needed to be written IN THEIR OWN WORDS (meaning that to directly copy something printed off the internet was not acceptable).

Imagine my astonishment when at least a third of each class not only directly copied information, but didn't even bother to disguise it. They merely printed a biography from wonderful, reliable sources like Wikipedia and company, with the website source still on the page. At least other students copied biographies in their own handwriting!

I was tempted to give everyone who copied a zero on the assignment, but decided to give them another chance. They have until Friday to turn in something legitimate. I lectured both classes about plagarism today, trying to explain that it is a serious offense to pass someone else's work off as your own. I also told them that in universities in America, the plagarising (is that a word?) student would fail the course, maybe worse. They seemed genuinely surprised. I got the feeling that they had no idea that such a thing was wrong.

What really astounds me is the position of CMU on plagarism. In the grading criteria I was given, I was instructed to take no more than 1 full point away if the assignment was not written in the student's own words. Plagarism is tolerated; it is assumed and accepted that the students will copy.

No matter what the position of CMU, I explained to my students that making mistakes in their writing is natural and improvement will follow. I don't expect them to be perfect; I just want them to try.

Election Day.

2007-08-17T23:54:00.000-07:00

I have no classes on Monday because someone decided that it is a holiday (it seems like every other week there is a random holiday, decided by who knows who!) I have no classes because on Sunday the Thai people will be voting on a new draft of the constitution. That is right, as of now Thailand is under military rule and there is no formal constitution.

In 2006, when I was an exchange student here, the Prime Minister, Thaksin, lost power during a coup d'etat. Thaksin was extremely corrupt in his business dealings (in many ways, actually) and is now being prosecuted. However, the coup was extremely peaceful; it seems like every two to five years Thailand has a change of government, but they are quite dignified and polite. Only Thailand could have coups like that!

On Thursday and Friday I gave each of my classes a little lecture about how voting is a privilege and they needed to be responsible citizens and vote. Not many of them showed interest; a few didn't even know that there was going to be an election. Most of them seemed apathetic.

I can understand how if the government was changing every few years that it would be hard to keep track of the political situation. I wouldn't be as interested in politics if I thought that in a few months that someone new would be in power.

I have no idea whether this draft of the constitution will be approved, but I told my students that maybe I would give them extra credit if they could prove to me that they voted. We'll see!

Wading through red tape.

2007-08-15T04:08:00.000-07:00

Finally. After two and half months, I am a legal, non-immigrant, working resident of Thailand for one year. I started the visa and work permit process on my first day of work, June 1st, and now, on August 15th, it is finally over. Thank God.

I already had a visa when I entered Thailand in May, but it was only valid for ninety days. I had to get a work permit with papers from CMU to prove I was a legitimate teacher, then extend my visa for a year, and then go back to the Labour Office to extend my visa. You can't have one without the other.

For each step of the process, I had to provide papers prepared by the Foreign Relations Office at CMU along with about a gazillion copies of my passport. Sometimes it is hard to get a clear, concise answer from Thai people about logistics. Often they would tell me that something is ok even if isn't, just because they didn't want to disappoint me or hurt my feelings. However, when working on very important documents that prevent me from being deported, this is frustrating. Sometimes unbearably frustrating.

For example, a few days ago, the head of the Foreign Relations Office told me that they had lost all of the papers I had gathered and given to them to process. To prepare another batch of papers would take at least a week, perhaps more, and that was time that I didn't have. I had a hard time keeping my temper but held it together, and then went in the bathroom and cried because I was so frustrated. Thankfully, they called later that afternoon to tell me that they had had my papers the entire time. Ha ha.

Today I went to the immigration office and spent more than two and half hours signing things, being interviewed, waiting around, and generally just being confused. But I got to leave with a little stamp in my passport that says I am a legal resident until May 2008. Later, I went to the Labour Office at the City Hall, showed them my new visa and got another stamp in my work permit. Finis.

Now all I have to do is present myself with my passport at the immigration office every 90 days to prove that I am still in the country. It is such a weight off of my back to have this taken care of; my current visa expires in a week and a few days. I didn't want to make it a close call!

Thanks to all of you who have prayed with me about these documents coming through without any hassle. Although there was some hassle (quite a bit of hassle, actually) I am just grateful to have everything that I need. Hurray!

George W. Bush in the flesh.

2007-08-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

My ENG 103 classes had presentations due today. They had to create a TV program that was both "creative" and "constructive," and then present part of the program as a role-play to the rest of the class.

One group of three boys in my 2:30 class had some sort of... game show? I'm not exactly sure what it was supposed to be, I had a hard time following the plot... if there was a plot.

The three boys had to introduce themselves (as their characters) before they began, and one of the boys introduced himself as, "George W. Bush, the President of the United States." This struck me as hysterical and I laughed aloud, trying to pretend like I was choking on my bottle of water rather than laughing; these boys were deadly serious. They saw nothing humorous in using the American president as a character on their game show; maybe they thought he had a wide knowledge of celebrities (the questions seemed to concentrate on celebrity trivia).

George W. Bush was on that game show to win. I think he did win, actually; there was a grand prize of one million baht. Way to go, George.

Mii dok maay laew.

2007-08-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

Finally, after more than two months of searching, I found orchid plants that were available for purchase. Orchids are a native flower in Thailand and grow almost everywhere; however, it was extremely difficult to find any plants that were for sale. I went to two different flower markets by the river, searched up and down a street where there were rumored to be sellers, and asked around, but to no avail.

Yesterday I went to Tesco Lotus, the Thai equivalent of a Costco, and lo and behold! There were several little gardening stores, one of which had beautiful, brightly-colored orchids for sale. I was pretty much beside myself with excitement and it took me a long time to decide what colors to get.

I have been wanting something alive in my apartment for a long time. I almost bought a rabbit the other day. Seriously. I stood in front of the rabbit cages for about fifteen minutes, pondering. But I didn't buy a bunny. My apartment building doesn't allow pets. Ha ha. I don't even really like rabbits.

Before I move on to the added responsibility of a pet (perhaps a goldfish) I am going to see how I do with my plants.

The inevitable.

2007-08-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

I've been having a bout of homesickness recently. I've read that culture shock and adjustment goes in stages, sort of like a love/hate relationship. I guess now I am in the less positive stage of that process. Last week I got the flu and spent forty-eight hours throwing up; there is nothing like a good case of the flu to make one want to go home. Let me tell you, I was ready to hop on a plane and fly back to California if I'd had the chance. I feel better now.

I miss my friends, too. I've met some really great people here, but I crave being around people I love who know my heart and love me too. I was blessd with some amazing soulmates in college (and one soulmate from home!) that I really miss right now. Most of the people here are either Buddhist or emphatically non-Christian, and I miss being a part of a thriving Christian community. I've been going to an international church here in Chiang Mai for about two months and I like it, but I don't really feel like I have become a part of the community there. At least not yet.

Sometimes I am exhausted by standing out so much in this culture. People stare at me quite a bit, probably because I am so different-looking. Not only am I a white foreigner, but I have blonde hair and very fair skin. Being here gives me a sliver of an idea of what being a minority is like. I've gotten used to it, but sometimes I long to blend in with everyone else.

So I ask this from you, my friends and family: please join me in praying for Christian friends and a Christian community to be a part of. A very wise woman once told me that good experiences are not always fun to go through, but you're always glad you did them when they're over. I know that I am learning and growing. The process of change is not always enjoyable, but I am confident that being here is God's will, and I try to cling to that when things get rough.

Il pleut beaucoup.

2007-08-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

It has been raining all day today. The skies looked indecisive this morning, wavering between a delicate sprinking or a bombardment. Rain in Chiang Mai is thicker, more substantial than the skinny little bits of water we get in California. The plump drops fall heavily and hit mango leaves with enthusiasm, perhaps even reckless abandon. When the weather decides that rain is in order, it commits without hesitation.

This early afternoon rain feels purifying. I feel far away from traffic chaos and fussy commuters, armed with brightly colored umbrellas, ready to run down anything or anyone in their way. I crave cleansing right now. Water washes away the smog and pollution of the ever-crowded city; I feel encouraged to breathe deeply instead of holding my breath. Sometimes I forget the benefits of just breathing.

Tomorrow the biggest worms I've ever seen will go out for their morning stroll, avoiding certain death from large shoes and the feet in them. I wonder at them, and how lovely it is that they only venture from their fertile havens when the air feels cleaner, renewed. A little part of me envies them.

The rainy season will end soon, perhaps late September. I'll miss it.

I love midterms. Correction: I love midterms when I'm the teacher and not the student.

2007-08-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of some of the things I've done recently during my midterm break:

1. Went to the labor office (again!) to pick up my work permit. I am now legal... at least until my current visa expires.
2. Nearly fallen off the curb when a police officer blew his offensively loud whistle right into my ear.
3. Enjoyed staying out late and sleeping in late.
4. Played sports vocabulary bingo with my two junior high students.
5. Gotten TWO paychecks. Count them, two!
6. Made a new British friend that I met at the Night Bazaar while perusing Lacoste knockoffs.
7. Walked to teach a class in a torrential downpour (I braved fierce winds and toxic cesspools).
8. Ate rhoti, a Thai dessert with fried bananas and chocolate, three nights in a row.
9. Done WAAY too much laundry.
10. Watched the entire first season of Arrested Development.

I don't know how I will ever be able to go back to work.

July 31st = The Day of Joyous Celebration

2007-07-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

In eleven days, I will get my first paycheck. Yes, I have been here for almost two months, working for almost two months, and I still have not seen a baht from Chiang Mai University. I'm not bitter, but I must admit that I am looking forward to the end of July with eager anticipation. Because there is a lot of paperwork to process, CMU can't pay their part-time faculty until two months after the first day of classes.

Because I am basically a dirt-poor college graduate, I evaluate every purchase carefully. However, it is almost laughable at how my perception of the value of money changes when I switch countries. At home in Santa Barbara, I would easily drop $10 - 15 for a dinner out with friends, but here I evaluate whether or not I should walk 45 minutes in 98 degree weather (95% humidity) rather than taking a taxi for 15 baht (about $0.50). I get weird here. Because everything is so cheap, I get extra frugal and often save no more than a couple of dollars.

This makes me think about the economic situation in general. Thailand is a very poor country. Some refer to it as a "third world" country, which is another discussion altogether. I'll tackle that one in a later post. Being a university teacher is one of the best paid jobs around - and CMU pays their employees well, for Thai standards. With my salary, I can live comfortably, but not extravagantly. However, I am only one person. Most of the jobs that the average Thai person holds pays much less than my job. How then, would one afford a car, a college education for children, heck, children in general? Not to mention insurance, a home mortgage...

I have new respect for the hard-working people of this country. I am always learning something from them. At any rate, I hope I will re-think how I spend my dollars when I get home.

July 31st, I still await you with open arms.

Goodbye Walden.

2007-07-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

Two moderately-sized geckos used to live in my shower. I named the smaller one Walden, and the bigger one, Pond. For a few days, Walden had stayed in the exact same place on my bathroom floor, not moving at all even when I walked in or out. Being in denial, I figured that we were at last friends and his not moving meant that he was not scared of me anymore. After about three days, I came to terms and decided that he must be dead.

Now came the hard part: removing the body of the dead gecko into the trash bag. After living in the village north of Chiang Mai when I was a student here, my tolerance of abnormally large bugs/spiders/creepy things has gone significantly up, but I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of touching Walden's slimy little body.

Finally, I tried to remove him by sliding a piece of paper under his body and lifting him into the trash bag. I won't go into detail, but it was difficult and a little frightening. I was terrified that as soon as I got close, Walden would spring back to life and jump in my face. He didn't, and at last the process was over. I felt a little sad for about two minutes, and then looked for the other gecko, Pond, to see if he was still alive. I haven't found him yet... oh dear.

The Postharvest Technology Institute does not exist. Period.

2007-07-09T02:42:00.000-07:00

Today my supplemental English Conversation course was supposed to start. At least that is what I thought.

I finished my 2:30 class and immediately walked to a main road to try to find a taxi to take me to the Postharvest Technology Institute, which is where the class would be held. I did not know the name of the institute in Thai. This presented a problem. None of the taxi drivers had heard of it. I tried to show them on my map. No use. After about twenty minutes of this, I was getting nervous about the time. I called a Thai friend and gave the phone to the taxi driver. Finally, I thought we understood each other. I hopped on and off we went.

The taxi driver dropped me off by the side of the road and pointed. I guess that meant that my building was somewhere in that general direction. I started walking and went in the first building I saw. I explained to about five people who I was and what I was there for. They took me in to see the director (of what, I don't know) and the director then proceeded to tell me that the building I was in was NOT the Postharvest Technology Institute. It was somewhere further down the road. So I started walking again.

At long last, I found the building. I went in and went through the same routine, explaining that I was a professor from the Humanities Department here to teach a class. I received a lot of blank looks. I was told to stand in a hallway while various Thai women discussed what to do with me. (I can understand Thai better than I can speak it. They also said I was cute and had nice skin. How nice).

Next thing I knew, I was on the phone with my supervisor and she was explaining that the class did not start today, but that the date had been changed to Wednesday and she forgot to tell me. Opps. At least I know where the building is now. Weary and sighing, I started the long walk to a road where I could catch another taxi in my very cute but uncomfortable shoes, glad that at least now I got to go home.

Explanation of pictures below:

2007-07-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

I went to the Fourth of July celebration held at the American Consulate in Chiang Mai today. It was great. They had a live band and "American" food (Starbucks, pizza, hot dogs, McDonalds, Coors Light) and lots of tables to just sit and hang out. It wasn't really what I expected... but I'm not sure what I expected. Lots of people were there; I was a little surprised at how many. Once it got dark they had kareoke to popular songs celebrating Americana and fireworks. The fireworks were actually really decent. I was expecting a few little sparklers, but they went all out!

The pictures below are of the American flag over the consulate and of my friend Mark (who also teaches at CMU) and me.

Happy 4th of July!

2007-07-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

Braces and orange rubber bands.

2007-07-02T06:17:00.000-07:00

I picked up a tutoring job working with two eighth grade boys after they get done with school once a week. Today I meet Boon, one of the boys. He is a skinny, awkward kid about half my height, and has braces with neon orange rubber bands. I noticed this because he never stopped smiling during the entire hour we spent together. He is adorable.

I wanted to spend the first session just getting to know him, so I asked about his family, what he likes to do, etc. He speaks (and comprehends) English very well for his age, partially because he has visited the US several times. His aunt lives in Chicago. I told him that I was born in Chicago, which caused us to bond immediately. His favorite movies are The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I asked who his favorite character was: Legolas. Yes, we also have the same favorite character from LOTR. It was meant to be.

I think I terrified him a little (as I recall, most thirteen-year-old boys are terrified of girls a little, especially of strange foreign girls with blonde hair who won't stop asking them questions). I am looking forward to seeing Boon next week on Thursday, along with Thaikom, his friend and my other student. Maybe we can watch The Lord of the Rings and talk about how Legolas has sweet bow and arrow skills.

Heh.

2007-07-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

I went to a grocery store today (not a street market, but an actual grocery store) with one purpose in mind: to buy glue. I needed said glue to repair two my favorite things, which are my pearl earrings (fake, of course, bought for about $8.99) and my J.Crew leather sandals. I've missed them.

So I went to the store, found a section where they sold tape and pencils and figured that glue might be somewhere close by. I was right. I bought a tiny bottle of glue for about 26 baht, a little less than an American dollar.

I thought to myself that this glue must be super glue, partially because it had the word "SUPER" written on the package, in English and in giant letters, and partially because it had a picture of an elephant charging the customer (me) that was so lifelike it freaked me out. Yes, most definitely super glue.

I went home to perform the surgery on my earrings and sandals and discovered that all the directions for using the glue were written in Thai (Don't ask me why this surprised me; that seems to make sense, as I am living in Thailand). So I used my college-educated brain and tried to figure it out. I was applying pressure to the bottle, trying to make it come out, when the top exploded and I got glue all over one of my hands. Now, this would be of no concern to me, except that on the bottle it said, "AVOID ANY CONTACT WITH SKIN." In English. Ha. Assuming that my skin was about to melt off my bones, I rushed into the bathroom and spent a good twenty minutes trying to get the glue off my fingers.

It still is not completely gone. But my earrings and my sandals made a miraculous recovery.

Hurray!

2007-06-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

I received an email from my mom today, telling me that she bought plane tickets for herself, my dad, and my little sister Lauren to come and visit after Christmas (well, they will leave Christmas Day, so I guess it is after Christmas.)

I've been realizing that part of my love of traveling and seeing new places involves sharing it with the people I love. Before I studied in Thailand during my junior year of college, almost all of my traveling was with my family. It has been strange to love a place so much and have my family not completely understand what it is like. I'm so excited that they're coming because now they will get to experience a culture that is very new to them but familiar to me.

Here is a list of things I want to do with my family (I really like lists):

- go to the island Koh Chang and stay at a beachfront resort
- spend a day snorkeling among gorgeous coral reefs
- go elephant riding and bamboo rafting in the jungles north of Chiang Mai
- visit Wat Suan Dok and have them meet Phra Tong, my old supervisor
- go out to dinner at Riverside and listen to jazz along the Ping River
- take them to the university and show them my office and classrooms
- go to Doi Suthep and watch the sunset from the top of the mountain
- take them to a Kantoke dinner (a traditional Northern Thai experience) and watch my dad try to dance the "Rhun Thai"
- go to Kat Luuang, the daymarket, and make them eat roasted cockroaches (or at least look at them)
- walk from the Faculty of Humanities to see the house that I lived in with my host family
- go to the Thanoon Khun Doon and experience the madness of the Sunday Walking Street

That is just the beginning. So let that be inspiration to all of you... if you come and visit me, I promise that we will do fun/exciting/culturally important things.

A day in the life of... me.

2007-06-26T04:05:00.000-07:00

Here is an example of my typical Tuesday:

6:30 Drag myself out of bed
7:15 Leave my apartment, stopping at my favorite coffee shop down the street for iced coffee
7:30 Walk to Huay Kaew Road to catch a taxi to the university
7:40 Arrive at CMU, convince the taxi driver to charge me 15 baht instead of 20 baht because I speak Thai
7:50 Drop books off in my office and review my notes for my class
8:00 Begin teaching class
8:15 Recap the first fifteen minutes of class for the fifteen students that walked in late
9:15 ENG 203 ends, walk to my next classroom
9:30 Begin teaching ENG 103
10:45 Class ends, I start the walk back to the English Department
11:00 Talk to my family briefly on my cell phone
11:30 - 2:30 Fill out the time waiting for my next class with eating lunch, checking my email, hanging out in the faculty common room, journaling and reading the book of the day
2:30 Teach my last class of the day
3:45 Class ends and I catch a taxi at the main road back to my apartment (I probably should walk but my 4:00 I am exhausted)
4:15 Arrive home for swimming, dinner, preparing for classes, and random excursions
10:30 Bedtime... my favorite time of day. Hurray.

Five versions of the same story.

2007-06-25T23:12:00.000-07:00

I had a mission a few weeks ago to find the Humanities Academic Services Center, the organization which arranges supplemental English programs. I wanted to pick up a tutoring job or two to add to my monthly income and was told that this is the place to go.

So now the complicated part of the process began: finding the building where the center is located. I asked around the office and was told at least five different locations. I checked them all out and still couldn't find the building. I was beginning to doubt that it even existed, so I wrote a note to one of the professors in charge of the program.

Yesterday I finally found the building. It is located just up the road from the main English department building, about 2 minutes away from my very own office. I had been traipsing all over this enormous campus when the right place was just a few steps away. I checked with the staff of the center and it sounded like nothing was available right now. Oh well. Maybe next month.

A close, personal relationship with the sidewalk.

2007-06-23T05:18:00.000-07:00

I was on my home from buying dinner at a street market tonight a few blocks away from my apartment. Totally lost in my own world, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, missed a step down where the sidewalk disappeared and fell flat on my face. I don't mean just stumbling a bit and awkwardly catching my balance. I was down on the ground, on my hands and knees.

This was so incredibly ironic because I talked with my parents this morning about how the sidewalks here are often uneven and sometimes nonexistent. Serves me right for not paying attention. I tend to look at anything but my feet when I walk in cities, which isn't the best idea.

As I was by myself and there was no one to laugh about it with me, I picked myself up in a hurry and continued sauntering down the busy street. I didn't look around to see if anyone saw me fall, just hurried home to doctor up my bleeding knees.

And so it begins.

2007-06-21T21:49:00.000-07:00

Three of my classes have their first major graded assignment due next week. Two classes have oral presentations and one has an article and note sheet project. I am nervous for them; I'm never really sure if they understand what is going on. Thai students are generally very shy and reserved and will not volunteer a lot of information (for example, if I ask a question, usually no one will respond). I always ask them if they understand and they will nod yes, even if they have no idea whether I'm assigning an essay or giving the Gettysburg Address.

This response is very cultural; for a student to ask a teacher a question during class causes the teacher to "lose face." Thai people don't want anyone to be embarrassed or questioned in front of other people, so they avoid saying or doing anything that would cause this. Of course I would much rather lose face and have my students ask questions, but this type of response comes with the territory of teaching Thai students, who are polite and respectful at all times.

The same goes for asking questions in class. If a student admits that they do not understand in class, they "lose face" in front of their classmates. Usually if my students do ask me questions, it will be after class or talking to me in private.

I just hope that they come prepared with the assignments and presentations on Tuesday!

I'm picking up good vibrations...

2007-06-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was hanging out in the English faculty common room, checking my email. All of a sudden, there was a slight tremor; I couldn't even call it an earthquake. Instantly, there was mayhem. The formerly quiet common room erupted into noise and exclamations by some older female Thai professors. They started scurrying about, talking to one another about "the huge earthquake!" and "that was so terrifying!"

All this time I had remained at the computer, calmly continuing to check my email. I didn't even get up from the chair. Adam, an American professor from Boston who knows that I am from California, looked over at me and said, "Well, Megan, what did you think of that?" I smiled and said, "If you want to feel a real earthquake you need to go to San Francisco."

Happy birthday Britt!

2007-06-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

Here is a shout-out to my best friend of 10 years, Brittney E. Nichols, who turns 22 today, on June 19th. Yay! You're 22!

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion . . . . I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.

2007-06-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

I love bureaucracy. Today I tried to figure out the different documents I need, including a work permit (which allows me to get paid!) and my visa. Right now I have a three month immigrant visa, which expires at the end of August. I must have talked to five different people today, all of whom told me different things. Apparently I need to get a year visa to stay legal, which I have to apply for after I receive my work permit. Expats who have lived in Thailand for eighteen years told me that this process is never completed correctly.

The most important thing is to get my visa stamped for re-entry, since I am going home to the US during the semester break in October. I heard that I can't apply for re-entry until I have the mysterious year visa, which I won't be eligible for until I have my work permit. And I was told that the work permit can take forever to be processed...

So please pray with me and for me, that I would laugh and be "jai yen" instead of being anxious that all these documents would come through and come through in time. One of the things I love most about Thailand is the easy-going nature of the people and their interpretation of time. It is liberating and frustrating at the same time, but that is just part of being in a different culture. A good sense of humor is helpful when navigating cultural differences! I trust that God will provide and that eventually everything will work out.

So today I laughed, shrugged my shoulders and said "Mai pen rai," which means, "It doesn't matter, no problem."

P.S. In case you were wondering, the title is a quote from author Kurt Vonnegut. I often resort to laughter and tears at the same time.

Currently reading...

2007-06-18T06:03:00.001-07:00

To the Lighthouse, by Virginia Wolfe
The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Sun Also Rises, by Earnest Hemingway
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, by Annie Dillard
Abba's Child, by Brendan Manning

Yes, I am reading five books at once. I alternate. One is my "before bed" reading, one is my "office hours and my students aren't coming in" reading, one is... well, you get the idea.

One of the wonderful things about this job is that I am only in the classroom 12 hours a week, and so besides preparing for classes I have a lot of down time where I can do all of the reading and re-reading that I wanted to do during college and didn't have time to do.

the english department

2007-06-18T05:13:00.000-07:00

one of my classrooms

2007-06-18T05:12:00.000-07:00

the view from my apartment balcony

2007-06-18T05:10:00.000-07:00

my office at CMU

2007-06-18T05:07:00.000-07:00

Insert catchy and creative title here:

2007-06-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

I need to give myself a break. I need to remember that I have only been in Thailand for two weeks and that it is ok to still be getting used to things. I made a list in my head and here are some things to which I am adjusting:

1. A new job
2. Another country (another continent, for that matter)
3. Another language
4. Another climate
6. Another culture (religious and social)
7. Living by myself
8. Moving somewhere where I hardly know anyone
9. Graduating from college (I still don't feel educated enough...)
10. Being in a position of authority and respect

Sometimes I forget that it is ok to not be ok all the time. So if you feel that I am being too hard on myself, help a sistah out and remind me.

"Good morning community members."

2007-06-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

What one of my sophomore students said when she got up in front of the class to share her newspaper article.

Something funny.

2007-06-14T01:50:00.000-07:00

So here is something humorous that happened to me on Tuesday. I was walking to my 2:30 class and was talking on my cell phone. Now, if any of you know me particularly well, you know that I am unable to multi-task; this includes walking and talking on the phone at the same time. So I went upstairs in the building, still on the phone, walked into my classroom, finished the call, and sat down at the desk.

I look up at there are thirty pairs of surprised eyes looking at me. Titters sweep the classoom and I hear, "Farang mai rhoo laew," or "The foreigner doesn't know." I realize that this is not my classroom and these are not my students. I stand up, grab my bag, smile, and walk out of the classroom without saying anything. I made it to my correct classroom and was relieved to find my students in it.

So let this be a caution to all of you against trying to do ANYTHING while talking on a cell phone. The end.

2 Corinthians 8:11-12

2007-06-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

A verse from Corinthians that my mom shared with me that really blessed me when I was feeling insecure about my teaching abilities:

"Finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have." II Cor. 8:11-12

This reminded me that if my heart is willing and ready to give and serve my students, that God will in turn bless that effort. It is only the second week of classes and I feel a little frustrated that my students aren't learning; I need to remember that nobody expects me to be perfect.

A view of the city.

2007-06-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

Roadkill.

2007-06-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

Every day when I leave my apartment in the morning, one of my goals is not to get run over. In Thailand, the traffic rules are... there ARE no traffic rules. Every so often there will be a traffic light, but these are mostly ignored. Crossing busy streets is always a life and death experience. Often I will make it across one lane but will have to stand in the middle of the road waiting for the other lane to clear, while motorbikes and cars and taxis zoom around me. Pedestrians cross streets at their own risk.

This evening, when i was walking home from dinner, I had my headphones on and was a little zoned out, when I rounded a corner and was almost demolished my a motorbike on the sidewalk. Yes, the motorbike had decided that the road just wasn't good enough and it was the sidewalk or nothing. I didn't die. The motorbike swerved and I leapt out of the way with surprising agility, if I do say so myself.

I thought (falsely) that I would be safe from the insane drivers who claim to always have the right-of-way if I walked on the sidewalk, but they have taken over everything. I have a whole new appreciation for American crosswalks.

The back door.

2007-06-07T23:12:00.000-07:00

Today one of the full time English faculty told me that she liked my face. I "wai"ed and said thank you, and then she said, "Yes, your face. It is just so plump." This, obviously, is not quite as much as a compliment, but I bowed and said thank you anyways.

However, the situation was redeemed somewhat when she patted my shoulder and said, "Yes, you look like very sexy, sensual American movie star with plump face." Again, compliments through the back door, or at least through the side door.

Thai people have a very definite idea of who is overweight and who is not. Here, anyone who is larger than about a size 4 is considered fat. Last time I was in Thailand, I was told I was a fat horse (literally!) by my Thai parents almost daily, but here at the university I have gotten nothing but compliments and being compared to Hilary Duff and Britney Spears. Maybe it is because so many farang (foreigners) work at CMU, but I have been surprised at the reaction. My hair gets a lot of comments, and Thai people like to touch it; they do always ask first, as the head is the holiest part of the body.

Reunited and it feels so good!

2007-06-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening I went to Wat Suan Dok, the Buddhist temple where I had my internship the last time I was here. I got to see Phra Thong, my old supervisor, who is now Ajaarn Thong, as he dis-robed and is no longer a monk. It was so strange to see him in regular clothes and with long(er) hair!

I got to see a few other monks that were in my classes who are now fourth year students, but most of my students have already graduated and moved on to other things.

Tonight my little sister Lauren graduates from high school. I'm feeling pretty down because I can't be there and my brother Nathan flew in from New York, so today might be a hard day. Missing family events like this is going to be the hardest part of living on a different continent.

Faith Hill.

2007-06-04T22:57:00.000-07:00

I had my first class yesterday, English 210 or Oral Expression I. It wasn't until 2:30 in the afternoon, so I had all day to prepare for it, which was nice. I was pretty nervous when I first walked into the classroom, but the class only had about 17 students, so it was a pretty small group.

I taught at Wat Suan Dok the last time I was here, but this was the first time that I had complete control over my own classroom, all by my lonesome. The students are very, very respectful (they "wai" me every time I hand them a piece of paper), so classroom management isn't really an issue.

I went over the syllabus and course schedule and we did a few icebreaker games, and then I asked them to choose English nicknames for themselves (names that are much easier for me to remember!) We went around the room, and I came to a boy in the front row. "Faith Hill," he said. "You mean Faith?" I asked, somewhat confused. "No. Faith Hill," he said again with a completely straight face. Keep in mind that this is a male student. I came to the conclusion that he must be a fan, but I don't know that I will be able to call on "Faith Hill" in class without holding back a laugh.

CMU does not have classes on Wednesday, so tomorrow I'm looking forward to sleeping in, going swimming and meeting some of my monk friends at Wat Suan Dok. So it is almost like I have a three day weekend!

Thai time.

2007-06-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

Today I had my first faculty meeting, which was an interesting experience. I knew nothing about where I was supposed to go or what I was supposed to do, so I just showed up at about 8:30 and started wandering around looking for someone who could tell me where to go. Communication is NOT one of the university's strengths.

I met the head of the English department who immediately chastised me for not wearing a dress (Disclaimer: I was told that female faculty members could wear pants. I didn't look like a slob; I thought I looked very nice when I left my apartment...) She also chastised me for not knowing what was going on. I didn't know what was going on because no one told me what was going on. AHHH!

I was in meetings from 9 to 2:30 and learned what I was going to teach, mostly beginning level English comprehension and oral expression. Everything is all planned out already; the curriculum is very standardized. There must have been at least 30 part time faculty members, mostly foreign; at a university with 26,000 students, you need a lot of faculty! Pretty different from Westmont.

The "flexibility" and easy-going nature of Thai people can be extremely frustrating, as evidenced by some of my experiences today. I hope that the bureaucracy and the university "system" won't be too difficult to navigate. I apologized profusely for my inappropriate attire and tried to be as polite and friendly as possible; hopefully the Thai teachers won't hold my white linen pants against me for long.

Getting lost is part of the experience.

2007-05-31T01:34:00.000-07:00

So I was on my way to Gecko books this afternoon and I thought I saw the sign so I pushed the button for the ceelaw to stop. I got out and realized that I had absolutely no idea where I was. I just started walking and discovered that there is not only one Gecko books, but two! Apparently it is a chain.

So I bought Great Expectations and made my way home. I passed the original Gecko Books on the way next to Tha Pae Gate. Ha.

2007-05-31T00:44:00.000-07:00

My humble abode.

2007-05-31T00:38:00.000-07:00

I'm here!

2007-05-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

Hi friends, I have arrived. Traveling was ok, the airline lost my luggage in Bangkok and I burst into tears when I was talking to the luggage agent out of exhaustion and frustration. The customs agent felt so sorry for me that he let me through without even checking my passport. I have today and tomorrow to relax and then I have my first meeting on Friday.

I feel extremely homesick right now, but hopefully it will get better. Pray for me and my adjustment because I don't feel like I'm adjusting very well right now.

Goodbye!

2007-05-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm off! My plane leaves LAX tomorrow night at about 11:15. It is going to be hard to say goodbye to my parents and my friends at the airport, but I've been thinking about all the wonderful things that I'm returning to... naam manow, pad Thai, street markets, orchids and curry. I'm going to miss some things about America: driving a car, good Mexican food, and my Golden Retriever, to name a few. But my heart is at peace knowing that I get to go back to a country I consider my second home.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. I am afraid. But I know that this is the place where God wants me to be with absolute certainty, and I get to do what I love to do - teach English Literature.

So say a prayer (or three, or four!) for me tomorrow night and the next week especially as I adjust to the language, the food, and the culture again. I'm excited to speak Thai... I hope I still remember. I will update you all again once I arrive and let you know my new phone number once I buy a cell phone. Please write me emails or leave commments... I want to stay an active part of your lives!

Sawatikhaa prateet America!

Gecko schemecko.

2007-05-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

One of the things I love most about the city of Chiang Mai is a used bookstore called Gecko Books. At least once a week, I would go to sell back the books from the previous week and buy new ones... kind of like a library except not really. And Gecko is the biggest used bookstore in SE Asia, or so it claims. The English language section is ginormous and the most expensive books are about 300 baht (about six USD). Heaven on earth! Well, almost.

New Email Address

2007-05-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

I formally retired Westmont webmail and got a new email address, meganmhansen@gmail.com. And the official countdown is T - 10 days! Insane. It still doesn't even really seem real. I don't think it will seem real until I step off the plane (and maybe not even then!) Packing is a little more difficult this time, since last time I went for a semester I took approximately 10 articles of clothing. I'm taking a little more this time...

2007-05-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

I'm new at this...

2007-05-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

So here it is: the first posting! I decided to set up this blog instead of sending mass emails while I'm in Thailand, mostly because I feel so technologically savvy. I leave exactly two weeks from this Sunday, the 27th of May. I'm getting excited, but the realization that I have to leave is starting to sink in. I moved out of my apartment in Santa Barbara a few days ago and it was really hard to leave a place so familiar and safe. More to come later, as I continue to process.